Penganggur terhormat, they called me that now.
I prefer to say that "tanam anggur" is what i do now.
My daily routine these days,
starts after subuh, sidai baju, then buat breakfast, then buang sampah, pastu sapu rumah.
After that, naik atas, bukak pc, tunggu mama panggil kalo nk suruh wat aper2 ker.
Around 11 something, gi masak nasi, masak utk lunch (learn to do new dishes everyday, but yg sempoi2 ajer)
After Zuhur dh rasa ngantuk.
Then sometime after that, mama akan panggil suruh kutip baju dh kering, pastu lipat pulak.
Been doing all this as usual for the past 3 yrs but then, the feeling now is different.
Coz i wont be goin back there anymore.
Wanna go out, but then no money.
Wanna call friends, but then no credit.
Wanna try to do something useful, but then ended up doing something useless.
I tried to involve my self into doing something beneficial, but always in the end, i felt like i'm not doing great, feels like i'm lack of something.
Yeah, probly i'm not confident enough,
or maybe i'm just not doing the best that i can,
or maybe i'm just not born with the capability to do so.
I wanna go out, but i cant drive (supposedly can, but dun wanna talk bout this)
Pity of myself, dun really have the courage to do so.
Sometimes i feel sad and angry at the things happening around me,
but somehow, i cant do anything, cant even say a word.
As in the Hadith narrated by Muslim;
“Siapa saja di antara kalian yang melihat kemungkaran, ubahlah kemungkaran itu dengan tangannya, jika tidak mampu, dengan lisannya, jika tidak mampu, dengan membenci dihatinya. Yang demikian adalah selemah-lemah keimanan” {HR Muslim}
So far, eventho i'm back in M'sia,
i found it hard for me actually to be in the very reserved behaviour,
not only that, iman pun kadang2 turun naik, haihh...
I somehow cherish my previous life as a student in Ozy before, where i took all the responsibility on every action that i do. But i'm no more there, i'm out of my comfort zone, i'm in the reality world.
I wonder why i cant do like that here, maybe not yet, but soon , InsyaAllah.
Coz i understand that, jalan kita tidak ditaburi bunga2 harum....
Moga istiqamah bersama2.....Ameen...
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